I just got back from our side yard garden, and I have an important announcement. After years of agonizing over what vegetables to plant, how to keep the damn deer out of my tomatoes and wracking my brain to develop new and interesting ways to use up zucchini, I’ve decided to call it quits. 

You heard me— I’m done with the garden. Not cut out to be a farmer. Over it.

Our little garden had a rough start this year, as we experienced flooding rains just days after I lovingly sunk our tender greenhouse plants into the raised bed, and then came the scorching hot temperatures with no rain in sight, all amid a busy season of vacations and big changes with my day job. As I shared with our neighbor, Pam, the other day, I have literally spent about $183 this season alone (not counting the cash I dropped last year on that motion-sensor sprinkler) to yield only about $15 worth of so-so produce. I wish I was joking. Some of that expense was soil and amendments, some was the plants themselves, and the rest was all the special supports and supplies aimed at improving my harvest. Only they didn’t.

Yes, we had a few small handfuls of good tomatoes, but most of the tomato plants withered and died in the unbearable afternoon heat, the few stalks of corn I planted were attacked by some mysterious critter during the night— and what a shame because the few silver kernels that survived the carnage were just about perfect— and the four okra plants I installed have been so moody that I have either waited impatiently for them to mature or I’ve found myself throwing them into the woods because they grew as big as baseball bats overnight. Anyone who knows anything about okra will tell you that if the pods are more than four inches long, they’re too tough to eat. Oh, and we’ve had exactly one skinny eggplant. The only thing in this year’s garden that still holds promise is the jalapeños.

In a couple of days, I’ll share with you one of my favorite creations from last year’s late summer garden, salsa fresca, along with several fun ways to use it in case your own garden is going gangbusters. Until then, don’t be disappointed for me because I’m not as sad as I thought I’d be. I’m just, as I said, over it.

Giving up the garden will free my energy, attention and money for more, ahem, fruitful projects— including our backyard remodel, which I’m eager to share in pictures as soon as the fence installation is completed. Les and I have wanted for a long time to be able to make better use of our spacious yard, and we have finally made an investment to make it possible. I’m also looking forward to putting on a cute hat every Saturday to trek downtown and enjoying chatting with the growers at our farmers’ market. They do know what they’re doing in the garden and they need my support. There is a special thrill in finding unexpected treasures and new ingredients to try, and I will be happy to hand over my money to real farmers for the joy in those adventures.

In the meantime, I have put Samy, our landscape guy, on notice— as soon as the jalapeños give up the ghost this fall, I will give the green light for him to tear out what’s left of the weary landscape beams, level the ground and just plant some grass. The game is over. I lost, and honestly, I couldn’t be more relieved!